You keep them waiting always and it’s not because of a last minute decision to ensure all appliances are switched off or an unexpected bowel movement. It’s just because you have decided to change into another dress for the fifth time and you are not even on the special guest list of the party you are attending. It’s all because you are obscenely conscious about your appearance. Your vanity causes irritation in those who have to watch you appraise your reflection in every glass whether it’s a mirror or the glass door to a restaurant. It causes resentment when they watch you  burn your hard earned cash to buy a designer bag of N150k when their salaries haven’t been paid and this same bag will join the heap you have not used. It causes revulsion as people avoid the aroma of your multicolored body from ‘bleaching’. Vanity causes sorrow when you die from complications of tummy tuck surgery because you want to look 18 on your 60th birthday.

There will always be someone uglier or someone prettier than you. There is nothing wrong in looking good. The issue with vanity is that the preoccupation with looks becomes so obsessive that it starts causing damage to relationships, bank accounts and health. Our spiritual and mental well being should actually be given that attention rather than our bodies. Therefore it is better we work at being better people rather than becoming ornaments. Beauty fades and if your life is based only on your looks it means once you begin to face the laws of nature you will have problems. One will be fishing desperately for compliments. Yes and you may end up in bed with the driver. It’s that bad!

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Please note that vanity is not only about your physical appearance. It also has to do with the kind of friends that you believe befit your perceived status. If you choose friends based on how they look and their status, you are living a fake life. There are some women who will only date foreign men so that they can have light skinned babies. I would have thought in choosing surrogacy, you would rather the physical features of the babies are as close to yours as possible.

There are women who will only date men who drive certain cars and live in certain locations and have certain jobs; they call it standard. They are not really bothered about being victims of domestic violence, or the fact that they will end up sharing the husband with the domestic staff or even a sibling. It’s amazing how such attention is spent on physical appearance.

You know vain women never want to look like their parents; they never want to look like their own ethnic group.  They never want to look their own race. They want to look foreign like Beyonce or Rihana. They want to look lighter and have blue or green eyes with long blond hair.They want to be seen in certain places and at certain parties

So what can you do if you are obsessed about yourself? Pride always comes before a fall. Remember that always. You have every right to love yourself, but too much of anything kills.

So give away all those expensive things that you have not worn and never would. Make someone who has nothing offer you a smile. Donate donate donate!

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Instill personal discipline. The dress you picked the night before wear it.Stop being conscious of what people say about your appearance; it’s not relevant.

Don’t talk about yourself always, keep your thoughts about your accomplishments to yourself.

Reduce the time you spend in the salon.Stop looking into mirrors at every given opportunity.

Do charity work. Preferably with young girls who have nothing.

Be strict on yourself, go without makeup every other day.

Keep away from flatterers. Get to know people. Not what they have.

Iyabo Fahm

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