Girls Talk

The Components of Courtship

Courtship is that period when a man and woman who have agreed to get married set apart time to get to know each other better. Courtship is very important for a successful relationship and subsequent marriage because couples get to discover each other even though this process would continue for a lifetime.



Communication is important in any meaningful relationship; it is common belief that communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Intending couples must learn how to communicate. Communication facilitates intimacy.

First in communicating, couples must learn how to communicate their intentions and not just their emotions. This means that a partner must say what he means and not let the message be beclouded by emotions. For example, your fiancée is late for an appointment and is keeping you waiting; this annoys you as you have other pressing matters on your schedule.

This is not the first time this kind of occurrence would happen; what do you do? Talk about it; address the issue let her know the importance of being punctual; let her know that when you value people, you value their time. Don’t react in anger because that would not pass the message you intend across, it would only ruin the meeting.

Communication also involves discussing your visions, dreams, goals, career aspirations, and ambitions. This helps you both to be able to harness your resources and channel them in the same direction.

Talk about past experiences, challenges, family background and upbringing, childhood etc. This helps you to understand where the other person is coming from and what factors have shaped them into who they currently are.

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Talk about core values and principles. What are the values, principles or ideologies you both hold dear? This is important because this would form the repertoire from which decisions and actions are taken. For example, one of a man’s core values might be giving benevolently; as his fiancé you need to understand this so that when you see him practicing it you don’t get uncomfortable and call him Santa Claus. Maybe your man’s core value is integrity; when he says something he means it and he is a man of his words. As a woman you need to align with this; you would also need to cultivate this virtue if you haven’t.

You need to also talk about the future. Talk about every conceivable area about the future you are planning together. Some of the things to talk about include; number of children; how to handle finances; how to manage in-laws; religion or faith to embrace; church to attend; conflict resolution method; place of residence etc.


Love is a vital component in a good relationship. Love is all about giving; you give your time, attention, energy, resources, prayers etc. for the betterment of the other person. Contrary to the receiving notion and “me all the time” we have had; love focuses on the other person and what you can give him/her and not on you.  It also involves loving the other person irrespective of their weaknesses and shortcomings.


Trust is a basic element in a relationship. Trust means to allow without fear. You need to open up and allow the other person into your life without restraint.  Trust does not come overnight, it grows over time; it is learnt, and it is built. Let down your guards and defences; grant your significant other access into your inner recesses.

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As you proceed in courtship, focus on becoming better friends. It is often said that marry your friend; good friends are often better life partners and last longer. Cultivate friendship and good interaction. Friendship can be developed by finding common areas of interests that you share.

Make time out for each other; go out on dates together; visit places together; you could go to the beach side, movies, etc; laugh together; talk with each other; have fun together; pray together.

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