Ever since my husband lost his job, things have been pretty difficult for us. Only recently, I was offered a job by a former colleague. The job will involve some travelling. My husband is not too keen about it, but we are running out of options. Should I take it? [Ada, Enugu]
Marriage is about team work and joint resolutions. I’m sorry about your husband’s job loss but I’m also glad that you are taking active steps towards ensuring the family is back to financial stability. However, you need your husband’s buy-in. You’ve got to build rapport with him in order to get him to support you after all the income you’ll be making will be for the family’s upkeep.
You may need to seriously consider taking the job though. While working, please still be on the lookout for other openings that will not take you away from your family.
Secondly, occasionally try to put a word to your boss that you’ll need to be more around because of your family. I’m sure with time he’ll reason with you knowing the enormous responsibility of being a wife, mother and worker.
It’s also important to make yourself available to your husband when at home. Do not create the impression that you are too busy to attend to his emotional needs, especially now that he is without a job. You’ll have to be more tolerant and accommodating now than ever because he may get irritable and angry over seemingly irrelevant things. And believe me, it’s not intentional, rather, it’s an emotional outburst precipitated by his job loss. Most men get their self-esteem and validation from their ability to provide for their families. Therefore, stripping them of that right to provide puts them in a ‘disempowered state’. Very few men have the maturity to handle such situations. So be more gentle and understanding.
In addition, please don’t stop encouraging him to apply to openings in his industry. Also, you can drop his resume in places that you believe he would like to work. He could also consider venturing into the business he has nursed for some time but kept on hold because of the demands of his former job. Whichever he chooses, don’t forget to daily pray for him. Your prayer works wonders, please do not underestimate its efficacy. Very soon, he’ll be back on his ‘feet’ and you’ll get dancing.