I wonder why the status “single” is not a state of pride for singles, but a status to avoid because of shame; and this is very common among females. I’ve seen several “relationships” but, to me, they are just a bondage, like an ugly do or die affair. Please let’s reason together, is being single a disease? What does it suggest to us?  That we’re less beautiful, or less smart or inferior?


I’m really overwhelmed at the way singles react to this phase of their lives.  Yes, it might have happened via a broken relationship, loss of a loved one, abuse, or simply, you’ve not yet seen the person whom your heart knits with.  Whatever the reason is, you are SINGLE!


We pressurize ourselves till we end up hooking up with the wrong choice, all because of a Facebook status of “married” or “engaged”.   Pardon me if I’m too harsh, but the truth must be spoken.  I use to say this when I was single, “I don’t care how many times I try it, but my end result is living happily ever after”.


The truth is that once you are married, you can never act or think like a single lady or man again.  You cannot know the luxury of time, resources, networking opportunities you have now that you are not committed to anyone, until you are married. Why wait till you lose it when it can’t be recovered again?


Being single is not a time of pity, or a time to start meditating on why everyone is married and you’re not yet married. It’s a time to explore, discover and re-discover what God has placed on your inside and how you can use it to affect your world. It’s a state of being quiet within your soul, ready to hear what God is saying. “Quiet Souls, Singles Souls”, I heard this during my early years in school, when I started discovering God’s purpose for me.

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God needs your mind/soul to be in a calm state, but the devil will always fight this, and he will flood your mind with time-wasting issues.   Issues like: he doesn’t love me like I do; he wants to sleep with me and I love him, but I don’t want to, I need someone to help me to talk to him; I asked her out but she went for my friend….and all sorts, to preoccupy our mind so that we don’t connect with what God is saying.


Responsibilities embrace you once you are married; your heart suddenly enlarges, for your in-laws, your friends, your relatives and your children, even the unborn ones; so a quiet soul is hard to keep at that time. If you cannot discover what God has called you to do when you’re single, to start and keep doing it before you get married, you might just end up living with your wishes and dreams after marriage. It is what you have started doing before marriage that has a “sure continuity” after marriage.


How to maximize your singleness


Be happy you are single.  It’s as simple as ABC. Happiness is the first key to attracting any positive thing to one’s life. Someone dear to me taught me this, years back “I’m happy with me”. Even after all your friends are married, still be happy. It’s about you and no one else.  People will always say something, so don’t even give attention to gossips. Keep working on yourself and keep preparing, you don’t graduate from the school of preparation; you’ll keep getting better every day.

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Be productive: Add value, is it business or service to community, just add value. Pay attention to this, every man/woman, would love to marry someone that is highly productive, it gives a sense of independence.  It gives an impression that you are an asset and not a liability. Also, add value to lives around you, be a giver, be a multiplier, let your spouse meet you in the field exploring your creativity, because you have it.


  Be a visionary: I will keep saying it; the best of your time is now that you are single. Let this time be your developing phase, lay all the foundations you can for your future. No man or woman  has  been called to discover your vision for you, don’t let it ever cross your mind that your spouse will be the one to discover your purpose for you, you might end up marrying one without any, because you will attract your type. If you have a vision, don’t make the mistake of marrying someone without one because of pressure; he will end up distracting you from what you’ve discovered.  He can’t embrace it, because he does not have one. No one sees your vision more than you.


There are still many more ways to maximize your singleness, but let me wrap up with this. Equip yourself; feed your dreams, whilst you are still single, because the night comes when “children” shall be round your table and all you will have as a vision is to see them live for God.

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There’s no marriage that is worth trading your singleness for, except that which you’ll have with God’s will, and your choice for your marital life. Any relationship that keeps draining your vision and not feeding it, is not meant for you, quit it and stay single till your godly spouse comes in contact with you.


Ibilola Olowokere

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