Who said men don’t have mood swings?
As with most things in life, romantic relationships are, for many of us, a double-edged sword. While most find it wonderful to love and be loved, developing intimate emotional ties to someone, particularly one’s spouse (which is inevitable) makes one emotionally vulnerable. We fear that being vulnerable opens us up not only to being hurt by one’s spouse’s opinions and feelings toward us, but also to being affected by our spouse’s bad moods. Just what can we do to ensure that we are able to accurately interpret our husbands’ moods accurately and manage whatever situations arise as a result of our spouse’s moods?
Well, there are some simple tips to help you in relating with your man when he’s upset:
Never take your relationship with your husband for granted. Everyone needs a constant supply of love. We ladies need to be more sensitive because men usually go through so many stressful matters at office or business place and when they are at home they deserve to enjoy tranquillity. One of his key responsibilities is to care and plan for the future of his family, hence, his peace is vital for the progress of family. Complaining, nagging, blackmailing and name calling most often result in husbands seeking for solace outside the home which eventually ruins the family. We all have our high and low moments. Let us be a little more sensitive and accommodating when we observe them in their low moments.
Don’t compound issues. Anger has this funny trait – it’s impermanent. Let him be angry by himself, he will calm down eventually. If you fuel his anger it may last hours or days. Remember his anger will pass but what you say to each other while arguing may leave scars forever. Be careful with the words you use at this time. You can’t recall negative words spoken to your spouse. Mood swings may result owing to a stressful work environment. As much as possible, do not ask about office work after you both get home. Find out which type of conversation interests him and engage in it.
Address his anger when he’s calm. Don’t be surprised that your husband is still angry even when everything went according to his wish. Understand that the body is an energy system; it takes time for energy to settle. Usually it takes at least 20 minutes for the adrenaline to loosen its effect. When he’s calm, address his irrational behaviour calmly and share the hazards associated with harbouring anger for a long time. This will be helpful to him.
Pick your battles. The greatest generals know to only fight the battles they can win and don’t waste their resources on the ones they can’t. It is not every matter that you have to take up and fight over. Above all, disagree to agree. Regardless of the bone of contention, your husband is not your enemy. Disassociate your husband from the issue on ground because misunderstandings will come and go, but your spouse remains.
“I’m sorry.” If you clearly played a role in escalating your husband’s anger then simply say “I’m sorry”. It is wisdom to apologize when you’re wrong, but it is maturity and strength to apologize even when you are not at fault just to give peace a chance in your home. It doesn’t make you a fool; it rather shows you are a wise, mature and strong woman. Apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong, it sometimes shows you’ll rather exude positive energy rather than further contaminate the air with negative energy, after all; you don’t want to appear an irritable woman.
Do not tolerate condescending and dismissive attitude. It’s not constructive for him neither will it be for you. A man will only mistreat a lady when no one challenges his behaviour. If he knows he can always get away with it, he’ll say hurtful things to you to boost his ego over and over and that’s certainly not acceptable.
Setting boundaries and clearly defining what you are willing to tolerate and making them known to your husband is one of the most effective anger management techniques around the house. Soon he’ll realize there are certain things you would not condone not out of disrespect to him but as a human being who deserves some basic form of dignity.
Generally speaking, it is wise not to get angry in reaction to your husband’s anger. If you weather out his verbal onslaught and remain relaxed he will likely be embarrassed about his behaviour and respect you even more. Dare to be different, be a peace maker and not a trouble brewer.
To your marital harmony…