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Being a good lover is a challenge because not all of us are born with the gift of being able to please people easily. But when it comes to dealing with someone we profess to love, it is important and absolutely necessary that we must put in some effort. This conscious effort, when performed over time, becomes a habit and can only win you points from your lover. Being a good lover does not mean that you need to shower your partner with gifts and make them feel like royalty, or hero worship them, bending over backwards just to please them. In fact, it is much simpler than you think. Let’s go through these few simple tips and you’ll soon have your partner purring all over you.

Love yourself first:   To be a good lover, you must be able to love yourself first. After all, how can you truly know how to treat a partner well if you do not know how to treat yourself right? It is said that charity begins from home. Find out more about yourself and determine your strengths so you can build on them. This can help you build self-esteem and improve self-confidence, which in turn can make your partner more attracted and comfortable with you. These will help you determine what you want from a relationship and how to identify those signs when you see them in a potential partner. Pay attention to your partner: Once you fix time to be together, the person to whom you intend to show affection must become your single point of attention. You must be able to make them feel like they are the only person in the world at that moment. Always be attentive to what they are saying; there is a difference between listening and hearing. Don’t take random calls, watch TV or scroll through your Ipad. These might sometimes be very irritating. Try to notice the small things about them by watching them closely. With time, you’ll discover that they have certain habits and ticks that you will come to adore about them. This discovery may even come in handy when getting them gifts because it helps to define their personality. Most people only get to know these things after a long time in their relationships but if you start early, you will start feeling closer to each other quicker. One good advantage of knowing your partner is that you can easily figure out when something is wrong with them or the relationship, especially when they are cheating or no longer in love with you. Learn the art of flirting: Flirting does not only happen in the early stage where you are trying to attract your partner. In fact, if you want to keep your relationship healthy, you should also continue flirting with your partner once in a while. Flirting gives a sense of intimacy, intrigue and suspense at the same time, adding spice to your love life. This keeps things fun and spontaneous between the two of you. Try never to feel embarrassed to get intimate with your partner. I’ve heard of couples who can’t walk around naked in each others presence. I’ve also heard that seeing your partner’s nakedness

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Pay attention to your partner: Once you fix time to be together, the person to whom you intend to show affection must become your single point of attention. You must be able to make them feel like they are the only person in the world at that moment. Always be attentive to what they are saying; there is a difference between listening and hearing. Don’t take random calls, watch TV or scroll through your Ipad. These might sometimes be very irritating. Try to notice the small things about them by watching them closely. With time, you’ll discover that they have certain habits and ticks that you will come to adore about them. This discovery may even come in handy when getting them gifts because it helps to define their personality. Most people only get to know these things after a long time in their relationships but if you start early, you will start feeling closer to each other quicker. One good advantage of knowing your partner is that you can easily figure out when something is wrong with them or the relationship, especially when they are cheating or no longer in love with you.

Learn the art of flirting: Flirting does not only happen in the early stage where you are trying to attract your partner. In fact, if you want to keep your relationship healthy, you should also continue flirting with your partner once in a while. Flirting gives a sense of intimacy, intrigue and suspense at the same time, adding spice to your love life. This keeps things fun and spontaneous between the two of you. Try never to feel embarrassed to get intimate with your partner. I’ve heard of couples who can’t walk around naked in each others presence. I’ve also heard that seeing your partner’s nakedness removes the mystery of their bodies, thus making them lose interest in intimacy. I think this is subject to debate. So, please feel free to share your views with me. Explore your partner: This is a must if you want to be a good lover. Never forget that when things get intimate, this is the canvass you want to work on. After all, you must know where and how your partner wants to be touched. People are sensitive in all sorts of places and to varied levels or degrees. A friend recently told me that she just discovered she could get so erotic from a simple foot massage. You too may find that your partner goes nuts if you kiss them on the back of their knee or nape of the neck. You’ll never know until you try! While many men are guilty of this sin, many women are also too indulging, bearing it all out in pain just to make the relationship work. Women must stop the stereotype that all men are the same. Some of them are just as confused as women are about sex and only need a little encouragement, while some are eager to please but are too confused by the silence of their women to know what to do. Women cannot expect their sex life to get better if they continue pretending that they like the (bad) sex they are getting.

 Learn to be a super kisser: This is a must, since all forms of intimacy begins from, evolve around and ends with this simple action. Being a great kisser is very important. It may earn you points and land you in places you’d probably thought might be difficult to get to faster than you imagined. Just as it can be a real turn off, making you wonder where you went wrong even before getting started. Learn how to enjoy your upper lips as a couple. Lick, nip, bite, suck and chew if possible. However, always remember that the more gentle you are, the more sensuous your kisses. Kissing, like lovemaking is an art; you can learn and practice various types to spice up your intimacy. A word of caution please; cleanliness is very important. Not everyone is insensitive to odour. Many lovers, especially women have learnt to bear the excesses of their men and thus, may not complain about their little faults such as bad breath. Remember that saying about a loving eye not being able to see the faults of a loved one? This however does not mean that one should just let go and make little or no efforts to set things right or make it better. I once observed a friend’s underwear and asked what her man thinks of them. Her answer was both disgusting and hilarious. “Is he interested in the sex or the underwear?” While one may not be too fixated about dolling up and nice to keep things natural, neat and presentable. It makes your partner comfortable. Spark up the romance: This may get you to your final destination faster than you imagined possible. When you master the art, it can only keep your partner coming back again and again for those special and sensuous moments. Guys should learn to kiss and give pleasure without expecting or demanding to end it with sex. It makes a woman feel comfortable that she can trust you to take care of her and protect her. Go dancing. Invest in good music and you can even have your own special favourite love song. I love “Endless love” by Celine Dion. Exchange gifts for special dates and just for the fun of it. It shows that you appreciate your partner. Remember, gifts don’t have to be expensive, just as they must not be ridiculous. Always let your partner know that you desire them with your action and not just words. And if you are intimate, don’t let it become a routine. Making it a routine takes away a lot of the romance and enjoyment, so choose a different location, position or even time of day as often as possible.

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Never use intimacy as weapon: This is very cruel and women are usually the culprits in this game. Never use your intimate relationship as a weapon in arguments. Never negotiate intimacy for rewards or benefits with someone you claim to be in a loving relationship with. Leave that for your boss for your next promotion! (just kidding). Guys often use sex as a weapon to teach a lesson, even scores or let a woman know that he can always seek his pleasures elsewhere, among other reason. Whichever way, this is definitely a no, no, in a loving relationship. And don’t promise sex and not deliver. Using sex as a weapon will hurt both parties in a long term relationship as it will teach you to associate sex with negative emotions and disappointment.

Source: Vanguard

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