As we started on our previous post, a marriage is a brittle institution if not well attended, could shatter (beyond repair).
We talked about three ways a woman can initiate the cracks before the eventual shatter. It’s just a matter of time.
Let’s look at some more:
- Give him the impression that the kids are more important: It is understood that a mom needs to bond with the baby when they arrive, hence the intimacy that most of the time leaves out the dad. But if this situation is allowed to continue to the extent you appear to be drawing the line where it’s you and the child on one side, and your husband at the other; you play mummy all day…forgetting to play wife/lover at intervals; then you are asking for trouble.
- Invest much time in things that precludes intimacy with him: Similar to number 4 above, you invest all your time and energy in house chores, career, church commitments, and every other activity that precludes time alone with him. Well, it’s no big deal if there isn’t much time left for that time alone with him; after all, there’s always some other time, right? Wrong. By the time you find the time, he may no longer have THAT TIME for you…and then we hear things like “I think he’s having an affair…’’.
- Always get the last word when in an argument: Yeah, be sure to have the last say. Take it upon yourself to see that he is flogged and defeated in that argument and then rub it in. Keep at this and you may be signing those papers one beautiful morning. I heard Dr. Phil Mc.Graw once say in his Dr. Phil show: “The most accurate predicator of divorce is when people don’t allow their partner to retreat with dignity”. A word for the wise.
- Know what annoys him and devote your time to ‘annoying’ him: Your husband doesn’t want certain items domiciled at certain places, or doesn’t like you saying things like this, or going to places like that. You do them anyway, regardless of his feelings. You defence: “it’s not as annoying as the things he does to bug me”. These little ‘annoyances’ build that wall between as they pile up.
- You are not loyal: When a party is being disloyal in marriage, trust dies gradually. When you as beset your marriage with lies and secrets, you are building a wall. I read somewhere about people who think it fit to maintain a plan B if their marriages don’t work. Why would any woman harbour a plan B if she really has an intention of staying loyal and faithful to her union? There is always forgiveness; but trust is something that almost impossible to re-build, once it is broken. This unfortunate situation should not be found in any marriage.
Really, the list is longer that you think. Some of these things may be what we do out of ignorance and that is why we should have one person outside your husband you are accountable to. That way you have a neutral assessment of your behavior.
I know again that most of this behaviour pointed out also apply to men. But we are not talking about men here; we are talking about a woman keeping her home in one piece come whatever storm.
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands”- Prov. 14:1