My husband and I met in Church. We started out as friends, then proceeded to dating, courted the Christian way, and eventually got married in the church. We are from different ethnic backgrounds; I am Yoruba, while he is Igbo. I am privileged to be mentored by great women/men of God on marriage and read several literatures on marriage. We love each other to pieces, gist, play, pray, bind and lose together. We have been married for four years and have two adorable children but guess what? My husband and I fight. The truth is, the honeymoon stage of the wedding is over and real life has set in. We both go to work and do the chores; this somehow creates tension in the home. However, I have come to a conclusion that every marriage has its own peculiarities. Even in the happiest marriages issues like in-laws, finances, sex, chores, or family traditions can quickly shake things up. Handling these matters can be difficult, but it’s not impossible with the help of God. Over time, here is how I learned to keep the peace at home.
3 Ways to Keep the Peace at Home
- Avoid unnecessary battles
Every time you react to every little thing, it turns into nagging. There are things that I do that drive my husband mad and there are things that my husband does that drives me mad. So, not all of our bad habits are worth a discussion. I pause to ask myself before I address something, “How big a deal is this?” If I realize it isn’t a big deal, I let it go to avoid unnecessary battles. For instance, if he decides not to help babysit while I run errands, it’s easier for me to take my baby along.
- Think before you speak
I am the talker while my husband is the listener, nevertheless we still communicate. I have learnt not to use demeaning and cruel words because words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall. There are things that I have said to my husband in the heat of an argument that still haunt me to this day when I think about them. Remember, you vowed to love, honour, and respect your husband. If your words don’t reflect love, honour, or respect then you need to not use them.
- Choose to walk away
Sometimes communication breaks down. In a heated argument, you can’t get the words to convey what you are thinking and you get frustrated. You are frustrated because it doesn’t make any sense. In order to keep your sanity, choose to walk away from the conversation, gather your thoughts, and come back to it. Be the one on the side of peace. Walk away and be the champion.