I hate sex! Unfortunately, my husband loves it too much. Sometimes i just cry when we are having sex, he gets angry and I end up feeling guilty. Is it my fault? What can I do, please? (Antoinette, Abuja)
I’ll begin by commending your cry for help in this very important area of your marriage. It shows that you desire a positive change. But first of all, we need to find out the root cause for your hatred for sex. Have you been abused before? Or did you have a horrifying first time experience with sex? Do you think sex is demeaning or dirty? For you to experience a positive change in your sexual life, you must let go of every limiting belief or past experiences that made you arrive at a negative conclusion on sex matters. As a matter of fact, ‘as a man thinketh, so is he’- an excerpt from the Bible. Except you let go of all past painful sexual experiences, you won’t be privileged to enjoy the pleasures, bonding with your husband and health benefits that you stand to enjoy.
Secondly, it’s equally important that you know that sex is functional for men. It’s an avenue for releasing stress, bonding with their partners, and expressing their masculinity.
Thirdly, God designed and invented sex and He designed it for our pleasure within the context of marriage. Sex is the strongest physical emotion known to man. It will surprise you to know that God desires that we enjoy sex. God never creates trash. In Genesis 1:21 He declared that all He made was very good.
I’ll also encourage you to discuss your concerns with him. You both need to communicate effectively. Tell him what you don’t enjoy in sex, and tell him what you love about it. You have to love your husband unconditionally. Remember, you didn’t marry a perfect person. Each person is a work in progress. Sometimes, try to initiate sex, he’ll be so glad and you would have made his day by that singular act, which will in turn make your marriage more romantic.
Lastly, please never use sex as a weapon to get back at your husband because its consequences are dire. Also, do not deprive your husband of sexual relations. Agreed, there will be times when you may be tired or have some important things to attend to, you can lovingly assure him that you will be available as soon as you get done with whatever you’re busy with or you’ll attend to him when you’re refreshed.
Photo credit: Arman Zhenikeyev/Corbis