Girls Talk

First Night; First Time

Frankly, every couple looks forward to the wedding night; it’s time to open the long-awaited precious gift – making love after the wedding! For most, it is indeed a long-awaited desire, particularly if they have been virgins and even for those who did not marry as virgins, it may have been a long while. God’s intent is that sex should be kept within the confines of holy matrimony. However, if you did not keep to this before getting married, you do not need to feel guilty because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

For a new bride who is a virgin, a mixture of emotions usually fills her; anxiety, fear, excitement all at the same time. However, having sex for the first time could be an enjoyable and memorable experience if done properly. Studies show that while some women experience no pain at all when they first begin to have sex, some experience minimal pain or discomfort while a good number experience significant pain.

Must haves

Before going on honeymoon, it is good to have some water-based lubricant like KY jelly. This can be found in local drugstore or pharmacies. The lubricant helps the ease of entry of your husband’s penis into your vagina.

You will also find tissue papers useful; ensure you have bought a couple before leaving for honeymoon.

Preliminary steps

It is best to engage in a lot of foreplay as this helps to calm the bride and helps to make her well lubricated naturally. Activities of foreplay include kissing, caressing, and necking. For the woman it makes her lubricated naturally in the vagina, while for the man it arouses him. Most men do not take a long time to get aroused, while for a woman it could be a slow or fast process depending on each individual. In fact, some advice that penetration should not be on the first day, that the couple should just enjoy the excitement of exploring each other’s body for the first time. A woman does not need to be penetrated before she can reach orgasm, just stimulating the clitoris by the husband with his fingers can make the woman reach orgasm.

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Breaking the hymen

The hymen is a small shelf-like membrane that partly covers the vagina opening. When your husband’s penis enters your vagina, it stretches sometimes tears the hymen causing some bleeding. The absence of blood does not mean one is not a virgin, it just means that the tearing was minimal.  To minimise pain you should apply some lubricant on your vagina and some on your husband’s penis. The husband should enter slowly, this helps to allow the muscles and tissue of the vagina to relax and gently accommodate him.

Comfortable position

It is usually advised that the woman on top position is better at this stage. This way the woman can determine the progress of the entry of the penis into her vagina and take it in at her own pace.

Do not worry

If it is continually proving difficult for your husband to penetrate your vagina, you can lubricate your index finger and insert gently into your vagina from time to time. Start gently; push it down slowly all the way down to the base of the finger and backwards towards your back. After you have succeeded with one finger, practice with two fingers: index and third finger. Well lubricated, with the fingers closed together, insert them all the way to the base of the fingers. While inside, try to open your fingers, something similar to the way a pair of scissors is opened and closed. While inside, also try to make small circular movements. Your husband can also help you with this process, you need to be calm while he is doing it and trust him that he will not hurt you. This process aids ease of entry of the penis into the vagina.

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Just like any other skill in life, it takes time to master it. Do not worry if you do not get it right the first time or the first few trials, as you make love more often, you will get better at it.


We recommend this site as a useful resource

Beverly and Tim LaHaye’s book “The Act of Marriage” is a good book that you can also read, perhaps a week before your wedding.


The content of this article is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute or replacement for, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have or suspect you have a medical condition or problem, contact a professional healthcare provider.


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