Knowing what to look out for in a life partner is a serious issue and can be an arduous task for so many, as they simply wonder if their method of selection is the right one . Often, one concentrates on one vital aspect while overlooking others, or we let our emotions make the decisions for us.
Marriage is a life-long commitment and inevitably affects every other area of our lives as women; every other relationship and every other venture. Making this crucial decision of who to marry requires asking questions that will lead to introspection on our part and serve as an eye opener as it presents those aspects of the marriage relationship that really matter.
Culled from a message by Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, we present a series of questions to answer when faced with choosing a life partner.
Is the person a God-fearing, committed born-again Christian or just a nominal Christian? A nominal Christian is a born-again Christian, but is afraid of totally committing to God. The reason why you should be concerned that the person you are going out with is committed to God is because relationship with God brings perfection over time. Christian behaviour is a result of our response to God. What determines how good you are, is how close you are to God, perfection is determined by how close you are to God.
For how long has he been a committed Christian? How matured is he in the Lord? Marriage is all about walking in the spirit; it is not for boys and girls or baby Christians. You need to be sure he has the fruits of the spirit manifesting in his life. If he has the fruits of the spirit manifesting in his life, then he would have a mature character which is very key in marriage; particularly when disputes or arguments arise. You need to be sure he is spiritually mature so that when challenges come he can handle them.
Am I sure, my intended is God’s will for my life? God brings your spouse along your path even though we have to choose. Pray that God will lead you to the right person. Even when you are courting, you have to pray that God will reveal him to you, even things that he does not know about himself. It is important that you know his weaknesses and strengths before you marry him so that you can know whether you can accept and handle the weaknesses and do not end up rejecting your spouse. Your marriage must be built on commitment and intimacy.
Do I know the qualities I’m looking for in a husband? You need to look out for lasting qualities in a spouse; these include integrity, trust, love, a true sense of commitment, etc.
Does he have the qualities I cannot do without in a spouse? These are some of the qualities listed above that one cannot do without in a spouse. For example, you need to know whether your intended has a true sense of loyalty and commitment to you.
Can my intended complement my effort to achieve my purpose in life?You need to know whether your intended is in sync with your vision and purpose in life, otherwise it would be very difficult to achieve them. You need to know whether he would be supportive of your God-given dreams and visions.
Is my intended flexible and understanding or rigid and uncompromising? You need to have someone who can adjust easily to your needs and the demands of your career. Otherwise he may not be a suitable partner.
Do you know your intended’s strengths and weaknesses? You need to know your intended’s strengths and weaknesses to know if you can live the rest of your life with him.
Am I ready to accept him with his strengths and weaknesses? Marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. The way you handle your spouse’s weaknesses will determine the success or failure of your marriage.
Do I relate with him as a friend? It has been said that friends last longer in marriage and that is true. For you to have a lasting marriage, he must be your friend because the essence of marriage is intimacy.
Do I accept his friends as my friends? If you want to know someone look at his friends. If you cannot accept his friends, you cannot really accept him. You must accept his people, siblings and friends.
Are we compatible in genotype? If you are both AS, be sure you both know this is God. Be sure you both are convinced about the relationship, be sure you both have pastoral and parental approval, be sure you understand what this implies if you want to have kids.
Are you attracted to each other physically? You need to be attracted to your intended physically.You must like the contents and the container.
What initiated your present relationship? Is it depression, frustration or is it mutual compatibility and mutual love. Your relationship should not be inspired by negative forces such as pressure from parents, social pressure due to maturity of age, etc.
Is there mutual giving and sharing? There must be mutual giving and sharing in your relationship. The core of love is giving and sharing; because you love someone, you give and you share with him.