I read a quote some time ago that said, “Every woman wants to be married, and after marriage, every woman wishes she was single again”. While some of us may immediately turn up our noses at the quote, I have to admit, I’ve been there.
On more occasions than we care to admit, we find ourselves nursing feelings of discontent over something; our present circumstances, jobs, living quarters, finances [or lack of it], marriages or spouses. We are simply tired of thinking about everyone else except ourselves, we wish for more ‘me’ time, rather than struggling through our endless list of chores. We look at ourselves and ask, “When am I going to get the time to do something for myself?”
For some, finding that balance can take a whole lot longer than for others. When we wake up at the break of dawn, the first thing to escape our lips is a sigh, or a whisper of “another day is here”. You may turn in bed, face your spouse and wish for just one second that things weren’t as they were.
Well, the truth is that things don’t have to be the way they are. I have found from personal experience that finding that balance you yearn for in marriage is not just possible, it is expected. Contentment – that feeling of serenity and gladness can be achieved; such that our sighs become a reflection of pleasure and our whispers are of gratitude.
Here are three simple steps we can practice every day to help us achieve our goals of finding contentment in marriage, and life in its totality.
Focus on you
Now, let’s be honest, the one thing that breeds discontent in marriage is when we compare our lives, marriages and circumstances to someone else’s. “Amanda has got this…”, “Jane’s husband does that… Take your eyes off those people and focus on you. You simply cannot live your life by other people’s standards, personal choices or preferences, achievements or what you think they have that you obsess over. What do you want out of your own life? Why have you made the choices that have brought you to this point in your life? Why should you care that Lisa’s husband earns more than yours?
If you’re going to find contentment, balance and pure pleasure from your life, you have got to have blinkers on. You have so much to be thankful for already, be thankful. Constantly comparing yourself with others is a big distraction to you achieving your life purpose. So, focus on you.
Focus on Your Husband
It’s a marriage, not a lonely trudge through life. Sure, there are times you miss being single and doing stuff without having to consult someone on almost every issue or decision you have to take. You may even look at your husband and wonder if you made the right choice because you see him changing, or see you changing. You married the man you loved, didn’t you? Now, girl, love the man you married.
You know he’s not a bad person, you know he’s a good father and provider. Let him see that you know these things. Openly appreciate him, he’ll love it. He may not be as wealthy as Sue’s husband, but trust me; you don’t want to be married to Sue’s husband. Focus on your husband.
Focus on Your Marriage
When we think of marriage, certain key words spring up in our heads; love, commitment, family, forever, children, home, etc. Now, those words can either make us cringe or make us smile. I vote they make us smile instead. When you begin to focus on your marriage as an entity in itself that requires attention and care to bloom, rather than something that should just develop on its own; you’ll see the need to devote time to making it work.
Added to these, have clarity of mind and purpose. You may not always know exactly what you want, but at least you know what you don’t want. So, start with that. You’ll find that your life is so much more than you think it is right now. Remember to enjoy each day. Don’t just rush through each day’s activities because you have a million things to do. Enjoy your tasks as you go through them. Be forward-focused.
Life is beautiful!