Hi girls,

It is your gurl Nifemi and today, I want to share a bit of my past with you. When I was 15, I had a boyfriend, he wasn’t rich or handsome but he was nice. He gave me all the attention I needed, and he seemed to act like I meant a lot to him. The problem is, whenever he was angry, he would hit me. As soon as he has finished hitting me, he would apologize and promise not to do it again, but like every junkie, he would do it again!

Since I was convinced that he loved me, I stayed with him and thought I could manage or change him, but I was wrong. He hit me continually and almost broke my hip before I finally left him.

Thank God, I left!

But this is my kind of truth, and here was where my 15-year-old self finally learned:

  1. A man who loves you would never hit you! In fact, aside of not hitting you, he would never abuse you in any way; physically, emotionally or psychologically.
  2. You can never change a man nor is it your responsibility to do so: Anyone who needs change should change himself; besides, you can never change anyone except yourself.
  3. Endurance should not even be an option: Enduring any form of abuses, should not even be an option for any one. Once a man shows that he does not love or respect you enough by hitting you, then you should never even endure it. You should simply leave him and let him love himself.
  4. A Junkie never changes, not unless he gets help: No matter how much a man begs and promises not to hit you, if he doesn’t get help and change by himself, he would never stop.
  5. The first time wasn’t my fault, but the second time was: I kept on feeling my boyfriend hitting me wasn’t my fault and that he had a problem, but the truth is, I had a problem too. The moment I stayed after the first time he had hit me, I had given him the authority to continue, and that was my problem. I should have loved myself enough to leave him and find myself another man.
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So, ladies, I’m no longer 15 and I am free from that abusive man; but I have learned that – never allow a man to hit you, not the second time anyway, once it happens don’t think of endurance or change (don’t try to be a hero) simply leave him and do not feel guilty (not even for a second) for leaving.

Just leave! Find peace and find another man who knows what love means and how to treat a lady right!


Nifemi Adekunle

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